Mutual Desire Read online

  “And if we’ve already started?” He watched her smile soften and her eyes get a faraway look in them.

  “I don’t know,” she answered. “I hadn’t thought of it. I wasn’t able to conceive with my previous husbands.”

  Ewan couldn’t help but be thankful for that, because it had allowed him to find her. “Maybe it just wasna your time, Kate. Maybe you needed to find the right husband.”

  “Will you force me to stay if I am carrying your child?”

  He clenched his jaw. His immediate answer was yes, but he knew that wouldn’t bring her around to his way of thinking. “I married because I need an heir, Kate. I would ask that you stay until the child was delivered.”

  “And then you would take my child?”

  “Our child,” he corrected her. “I could provide a life for the child, whereas you couldna. A convent wouldna allow you to bring the child with you.”

  Her gaze lowered. “I hadn’t thought of that. You’re right, of course. The child would need to stay with you. I know you would look after him.”

  With as many times as they had made love, and the many times Ewan planned to take her, it would be a miracle if she didn’t conceive. “When will you know?”

  Her amber gaze met his. “Next week.”

  Ewan held in his sigh. He had hoped it would be longer than their agreed fortnight to keep her near him that much longer. It seemed fate had conspired against him.

  “And you?” she asked. “Do you want just the one heir?”

  He paused at her question, unsure of how to answer since he had never thought of it. His title demanded an heir, and though he liked children, he had never wanted one the way a woman did. “It is my duty to marry and supply an heir for the clan. I haven’t thought about children other than that.”

  “I don’t think men give much thought to children at all unless it suits them. For women forced into marriages they don’t want, the children grant them the opportunity to experience love in ways that would otherwise not be given to them.” She tucked her hand beneath her cheek when she finished.

  “So you don’t think a man could love his wife?”

  “Nay,” she answered confidently. “Commoners are allowed to marry for love, but for the nobility, we don’t have that luxury. We marry for wealth or power and nothing else.”

  “Love may not be an option for us,” he said and scooted closer to her. “But great sex is.”

  He tugged the covers down to her waist and flicked his tongue over her nipple. She moaned and threaded her fingers in his hair.

  “Aye. There is that,” she murmured.

  He lifted the blankets away from her body and moved over her, settling between her silky thighs. Her feet touched his lower back before sliding down his buttocks and the backs of his legs.

  His lips covered a nipple and he ran his tongue over the tiny bud while his hand played with her breast. He scraped his teeth over her nipple, causing her to arch her back and dig her hands into the blankets. She moaned and whispered his name.

  How he loved her response to him. Her breasts were incredibly sensitive. A mere touch could make her moan. He moved to her other nipple, suckling and teasing it until she cried out and ground her hips against him.

  He kissed the valley between her breasts and began to move down her chest when she suddenly rose up and pushed him onto his back.

  “’Tis my turn at your body,” she whispered and crawled on her hands and knees between his legs.

  Ewan’s breath locked in his lungs at her words. Excitement poured through him with the knowledge that she wanted to touch him. He was powerless to do anything other than look at her parted lips and eyes filled with desire.

  Her breasts swayed as she moved. He longed to reach up and tweak her nipple, but he yearned more to know what she would do to his body. His cock swelled in anticipation, delighted to feel her touch.

  She knelt between his legs and ran her hands over his chest and stomach before leaning forward and kissing his chest. He sucked in a breath when her breasts rubbed against him, sending his blood shooting like fire through him.

  A few women had touched him thus, but only after he had asked them. None had done it on their own, which is what kept Ewan on his back and his hands fisted in the blankets instead of burying himself deep inside her.

  His breath hissed through his teeth when her hands moved down his thighs. His cock jumped, yearning for her touch like the grass yearns for the sun.

  She sat up and slowly unbraided her hair to let the dark blond locks fall around her shoulders. When she bent forward, the brush of her hair on his rod and balls sent a tremor rushing through him.

  Her lips continued to tease and torment as she moved down his chest. Meanwhile, her hands had stopped at his hips, just inches from his straining cock. He moaned when her hand finally closed over his rod. Breathlessly, he waited, his body shaking from the effort to keep his hands off her.

  With her mouth moving closer and closer to his cock, Ewan found it impossible to breathe. Her breast touched his rod, and he lifted his hips, hanging onto his control by a ribbon.

  Her hair hid her face from his view, but he didn’t need to see her to know what she was doing to him. Her hot breath fanned his cock, and she teased him with the barest touch of her lips while one hand stroked him and her other cupped his sac, rolling his balls in her hand.

  And then she took him in her mouth.

  Ewan cried out her name as the pleasure consumed him. Her hot tongue swirled around the tip of his rod before she took him deep in her mouth, sucking him.

  It was too much. He had to touch her, had to feel her heat until they both shouted with their climaxes. Ewan sat up and reached for her.

  “Wait. I’m not done.”

  “Trust me,” he said with a groan as he felt the dampness betwixt her legs.

  When she was straddled over his chest, her back to him, he lay down and reached for her hips to pull her toward his mouth.

  “Have your way with me,” he murmured, “while I have my way with you.”

  He licked her sex before swirling his tongue over her pearl, teasing her until she was panting.

  “I…I cannot concentrate,” she whispered.

  “Aye, lass, you can.”

  He parted her sex with his hands and pushed a finger inside of her as her mouth once more covered his cock. He closed his eyes at the delicious torture her mouth and hands brought him. The deeper she sucked him in her mouth, the faster his tongue moved over her pearl. The more she played with his sac the deeper his finger went inside her.

  Her soft cries filled the chamber to mix with his moans. Her hand around his cock gave a little squeeze before she began to move it up and down his length.

  Ewan stiffened as he felt his orgasm building. He added a second finger to the first and began to thrust faster into her, stroking the raised spot inside her that would give her the greatest pleasure.

  Suddenly, her mouth lifted from his rod. “I’m not done with you, but if you don’t stop, I’ll peak.” She was breathless, her hips moving back against him.

  He reluctantly released her, but before she could take him back in her mouth, he lifted her off him. He turned her onto her hands and knees and came up behind her. She looked over her shoulder, her eyes half-closed and swimming with need.

  Ewan nearly spilled his seed at the look she gave him. He guided himself to her slick heat and pushed inside as she moaned. He began to thrust deep, her soft moans filling the chamber. Ewan gripped her hips and slammed into her, his orgasm rising once more, but he refused to climax. He reached around and found her pearl, strumming it.

  “Ewan,” she screamed.

  “Come for me.”

  She gasped and her body stiffened with her climax. No longer able to hold onto his control, Ewan gave in to the pleasure and succumbed to his orgasm, letting Kate’s body milk him dry.

  He pulled out of her and fell onto the bed. Kate rolled to her side and snuggled against him as he wrapped
himself around her. He knew the moment she found sleep. But there would be no sleep for him.

  Something had happened. Each time they had been together, he had felt it, but this last time the connection between them had solidified, reaching all the way to his soul. It had bound them together for eternity.

  And he knew if he made her stay the entire fortnight, he would never be able to let her go. Though every fiber of his being told him she was the one for him, the thought of keeping her against her will made him sick to his stomach.

  It was his right to keep her since she was his wife. Yet there was something uniquely special about Kate that would be destroyed if he forced her. He might be able to woo her with sex over time, but she would hate him for months, perhaps years.

  He didn’t want that for either of them.

  If there was any chance of him granting her the freedom she desired above all, he had to do it. Just one day with her had changed his life forever. He couldn’t imagine what two weeks with her would do.

  And if she carries your child?

  Ewan sighed. Her greatest wish was for a child to love. He wouldn’t take that away from her, nor would he allow her to enter into a convent where she would have less freedom than she did now.

  He had enough coin to make sure she would never want for anything, and he would make sure she never had to marry again unless she wanted to do so. He tried not to think about the way his gut twisted when he thought of her with another man.

  Mistress of her own destiny, just as she wanted.

  Can you let her go? Can you really let her walk out of your life?

  He was going to have to. He gazed down at the temptress who had turned his life all to hell in a matter of hours. Mercy wasn’t something he was known for, but it was something he would grant Kate because she had given him what no one else had—her passion.

  Plenty of women had shared their beds with him, but not a single one of them had given him such passion and joy and pleasure as Kate had.

  She had spoken of love earlier. Though he knew some of his men loved their wives, love had never factored into his idea of a marriage. Yet, being around Kate had made him realize that if there was true emotion between two people, the experience could be sublime.

  He wasn’t sure what love felt like, but he knew enough to know he felt something special for her.

  It was too bad he wouldn’t be able to explore it more deeply.

  8

  Kate opened her eyes to see the sun shining through the window and a fire in the hearth. She had half-expected Ewan to wake her by making love to her again. Maybe she had woken first, and this would be a great time to explore more of him. She grinned just thinking of taking him in her mouth again. He had liked it, and she had enjoyed pleasuring him.

  She rolled over only to find his side of the bed empty. Kate blinked and reached out to touch the linens. They were cool, which meant he had been gone a while.

  His absence bothered her more than she wanted to admit. She rose from the bed and reached for her clothes. When she had dressed and plaited her hair, she left the chamber and walked to the great hall.

  But she didn’t find Ewan.

  She sat to break her fast, trying to ignore the unrest in the pit of her stomach. Ewan was laird and had many responsibilities that couldn’t be ignored, or at least that’s what she tried to tell herself. Since he had spent so much time with her yesterday, surely he had much to catch up on.

  Surely….

  But it didn’t stop her from thinking his absence was more than just clan duties. She ate, contemplating the future and Ewan’s assurance that she wouldn’t want to leave him. She certainly liked the sex, but the contentment would soon wear off, leaving her longing for her freedom once more.

  Stay in his bed for a fortnight and you could very well get with child.

  That was almost enough to make her stay. How she wanted children. She had always dreamed of holding her own children in her arms, watching them grow and learn and live. She had thought herself unable to have children, but with a man such as Ewan, there was hope.

  But she couldn’t have her freedom and a child. Alone she could make her way in the world, even if her only alternative was to become a nun.

  Ewan was right: They wouldn’t allow her to bring her child to the convent. At the same time, she would never be able to give up a child if she was lucky enough to conceive.

  What do you really want? Freedom or children?

  There wasn’t an easy answer. She wanted both, but it was impossible. She would stay her fortnight, and if she wasn’t pregnant, she would leave without a backward glance.

  But if her stomach did swell with a child, there were decisions she would then have to make. Maybe she could strike a bargain with Ewan. As soon as the thought crossed her mind, she realized he was too proud of a man to accept any sort of bargain that didn’t include her being his wife in every way.

  She hadn’t expected to find herself in this predicament, but then again, she hadn’t expected to find her body yearning for her husband. It was ironic, really. She had thought of nothing but her freedom from the moment of her marriage to Ewan, and now, when it was within her grasp, she didn’t know what she wanted.

  If only she could know for certain what type of man Ewan really was. He was a considerate lover, aye. He hadn’t forced his will on her. Instead, he had offered her a compromise. He had every intention of seducing her during their fortnight together, and God help her, she wanted him to.

  Part of her wanted him to tell her he wasn’t entertaining thoughts of an annulment any longer. That she was his wife, and she needed to get used to the idea.

  But he hadn’t.

  That should tell you what kind of man he is.

  It most certainly did. Ewan had respected her enough not to force his will on her. He was giving her a fighting chance, though he seemed to know he would win in the end. And blast him, he probably would with the way he could work his magic on her body.

  Kate’s eyes burned with tears. She blinked them back and pushed her unfinished meal from her. A talk with Ewan was in order. She couldn’t stand indecision, and she needed to know what he was going to do. No more teasing, no more bargains. It was time for the truth.

  She walked out of the castle and into the bailey. The sky was heavy with low, thick gray clouds. The bite of the cold stung her cheeks, and she wrapped her arms about herself to keep warm. She wished now she had grabbed her cloak.

  The bailey was full of people, but the one person she searched for she couldn’t find. Her gaze scanned the battlements, but again, nothing.

  “Milady,” Rory called as he took the steps two at a time. “Ye shouldna be out without yer cloak. We’ve got a bad storm comin’ in.”

  “I see that,” she said as she glanced at the sky once more. “I’m looking for Ewan.”

  Rory’s gaze dropped. “Didn’t ye know, milady? He left before dawn.”

  “Left? To go where?” She didn’t care for the disappointment that filled her abdomen and left a bitter taste in her mouth. Why hadn’t Ewan woken her? Why hadn’t he told her?

  “There was an attack last night on one of the neighboring clans. We’ve an alliance with them, so when a rider came begging for help, the laird was quick to respond.”

  The wind whipped around her, stinging her eyes. Was this how her life would be if she stayed? Always wondering where her husband was or if this battle would be the one to claim his life? How did the Highland women bear it?

  “Why aren’t you with him?” she asked.

  “The laird left me in charge. He doesna want the castle left undefended, especially with you.”

  “Is he expecting someone to attack us?” Kate’s mind was in a whirlwind at the thought of being attacked. She glanced at the gate and found it closed and barred.

  Rory chuckled. “There are few clans who would dare to try, but with ye here, the laird wanted to be safe.”

  That should have made her feel better. But it didn’t. �
��How long will he be gone?”

  “If all goes well, he should return tonight.”

  Her heart fell to her feet. “What do you mean, if all goes well?”

  “’Tis a battle, lass. If the injuries are serious, they will travel slowly.”

  Kate’s mouth went dry. Injuries? What if Ewan got injured? Who would look after him?

  “Doona worry, lass,” Rory said, as if reading her mind. “Laird Ewan is one of the finest Highland warriors I’ve ever seen. He’s strong as an oak, too. ’Twill take more than a sword to bring him down.”

  Kate thought she was going to be sick.

  Ewan wiped the blood from his sword and sighed. He had arrived just in time. The MacDuffs were a small clan, and they depended on him. What worried him was that the number of raids on the MacDuffs had grown with each passing month. Few clans raided during the winter months, preferring to wait until spring, but not these attackers.

  Why were the MacDuffs being singled out? The entire Highlands knew the MacDuffs were aligned with the MacDonalds. If he ever found out who was doing the raids, his wrath would be quick and fierce.

  Normally he would search out the band of men, but he had another duty to see to. Still, he would make sure the bandits were caught, because these weren’t simple raids. The attacks had escalated, and this last time children were killed.

  “Laird!”

  Ewan turned and found one of his men kneeling beside a fallen warrior. He trotted his horse to his clansman. “What is it, Angus?”

  “It’s the MacDuffs’ laird.”

  Ewan jumped from his mount and lifted the MacDuff tartan away from the dead man’s face to find it was indeed Thomas MacDuff.

  “I didn’t think he left the castle. I told him to stay put.”

  “I’m sorry, laird,” Angus said and rose. “I’ll inform his clan.”

  “Nay,” Ewan stopped him. “I’ll do it.”

  He dreaded it. Thomas had been old and frail, but he had been a good laird for his people. With no heirs of his own, Thomas’s title would go to his nephew.

  “Angus, find Colin for me.”

  Angus nodded and turned on his heel to find the new MacDuff laird.