Mutual Desire Read online

  Ewan blew out a breath. He wiped the sweat that had formed on his brow despite the cold temperatures. Hot or cold weather, battle always wreaked havoc on a body. The sky would likely open up any moment with a fierce storm, and he still had one more stop to make before he could return home to Kate.

  Kate.

  He had wanted to wake her that morning making slow, sweet love to her. That had been ruined with the call for help from the MacDuffs. Ewan had contemplated waking Kate to tell her where he was going, but had decided against it at the last moment. He hadn’t wanted her to worry.

  His wife had most likely been happy to wake without him beside her. He knew his touch confused her. She wasn’t ready to admit they were meant to be together, and he feared she might never be ready. Not that he blamed her. In her place, he would crave freedom as deeply as she did.

  “Laird.”

  Ewan turned to find Colin MacDuff before him. Colin was younger than Ewan by at least ten years. He was a few inches taller and still growing into his body. Colin would be a man to be reckoned with in a few years when he reached manhood. Ewan imagined Colin, with his blond hair and dark eyes, had captured many a wench’s heart.

  “Colin, I’m sorry to be the one to tell you, but you’re now the laird of the MacDuffs.”

  “What?” Colin asked, his brow furrowed.

  Ewan pointed to the body at their feet and waited for Colin to see for himself. After Colin looked at his dead uncle, he stood and ran a hand down his face.

  “Who attacked your clan?” Ewan asked.

  Colin shrugged. “I don’t know.”

  “Who had dealings with Thomas over the past few months?”

  “Only one clan. The Campbells. Uncle was trying to arrange a marriage for me with the laird’s youngest daughter.”

  Ewan nodded. He would have to speak to the Campbells, but not now. First, he had an errand to undertake. “The alliance between the MacDuffs and the MacDonalds still stands, Colin. If you need me, just send word.”

  Colin nodded, his eyes glazed. He lifted his uncle over his shoulder and walked to the castle.

  Ewan mounted his horse, eager to set out. “Angus, have a few men stay behind and help the MacDuffs. Then ride for home.”

  “Are you going to the Campbells, laird?”

  “Nay. Not yet. I’ll be back as quick as I can.” He spurred his mount into a run just as the snow began to fall.

  Kate swallowed a knot of dread and wrapped her cloak tighter around her as she stared out the tower window. This time her gaze wasn’t on the sea but on the rolling hills now covered in a thick layer of snow.

  When the men had returned from the MacDuffs’ without Ewan, Kate had known something was wrong. Even now she wasn’t sure if she believed the men when they told her he was unharmed. But no one knew where he had gone. Or how long he would be. Rory seemed to think Ewan had gone to the Campbells, but she had seen the faces of the other men. They knew he had not.

  So where was Ewan? Why hadn’t he sent a message back for her?

  What did you expect after telling him you didn’t want to be his wife?

  The truth was, she had a suspicion she knew exactly where Ewan had gone—to get the annulment. Elation should be pumping through her, but all she felt was disappointment and regret. Which didn’t make sense. She wanted her freedom; she had even begged for it.

  Then why did the thought of leaving Ewan make her feel as if her heart were being ripped in two?

  Kate didn’t know how long she stood in the tower, and it didn’t matter. All her life she had known what she wanted. She had known what direction to go in to achieve that goal. And then she had met Ewan.

  Everything she thought she wanted now didn’t seem to matter. The glorious lovemaking she had explored with Ewan, lovemaking she knew deep in the marrow of her bones she would never experience again, had changed everything.

  Ewan had respected her enough to seduce her. He had shown her his worth in every kiss, in every touch. And she had been too blind to see it. It saddened her that she had been ready to give up Ewan and the promise of their future for her freedom. And for what? To enter a convent? She would be no freer there than with Ewan. At least with Ewan she had hope of children and the possibility of a good life.

  Rather, she’d had that chance. It had slipped through her fingers like water because she had been too stubborn to admit to Ewan that he might be right.

  He asked for a fortnight. He didn’t give you enough time.

  And that was her own fault. Ewan was a powerful laird, a man who could have any woman he wanted. Why would he spend time seducing her when he could have another, willing woman?

  After three husbands, Kate had finally found a man she could have a future with—and she had destroyed that tiny grain of hope. She didn’t blame Ewan, though. He was giving her what she had asked for.

  How he must hate her to give her the annulment before they even learned if she carried his child. If his seed was growing in her, she wouldn’t enter the convent. She would make her way in the world somehow. Her child would know nothing but love. They might not have much, but they would have each other.

  It would be enough.

  It would have to be.

  Kate’s hands were numb when she realized she could no longer see into the growing dusk. Night had taken over the Highlands.

  She walked the castle corridors like a ghost. She only had a few days in the majestic structure, but it had been long enough to admire the craftsmanship and learn much about the Highlanders that others called savages.

  Maybe she would stay in the Highlands. It was a wild, un-tamed land, as she had seen on her journey to Ewan. There were long lochs and beautiful valleys. The winters were brutal, but she could survive it.

  When she returned to Ewan’s chamber, the tub was gone and the fire was long dead. There were no signs of the exquisite night they had shared together. Kate flexed fingers numb with cold and stoked the fire to life before she curled up on the rug in front of the hearth. She didn’t even have the energy to make it to the bed, a bed that smelled and felt of Ewan.

  She forced her thoughts away from Ewan and turned them to her father. He would be furious at the annulment, but then again he had tricked Ewan. Besides, she didn’t intend to return to her father and give him another chance to marry her off. If she ever married again, it would be to a man of her choosing or she wouldn’t wed at all.

  Tears pricked her eyes as she thought about a child growing within her. If she had taken Ewan’s offer, there would have been much joy between her and Ewan as they set about making a child. But what about afterward? Would he still be the man he was now? Would he still want her?

  You know he would.

  Did she? Her parents’ marriage had been arranged, and though there had been no great love between them, they had been deeply fond of each other before her mother’s death. Her father wanted to marry again, which is why he had set about making advantageous matches for his daughters. He wanted his new wife all to himself without sharing his home with his daughters.

  Kate didn’t begrudge her father his happiness, she just didn’t like being discarded as if she meant nothing, as if her feelings didn’t count. Though she and her sister weren’t close, she would have liked to be in attendance for her marriage. That wasn’t possible now. Kate would never be able to get across Scotland on her own and in time for her sister’s wedding.

  Would Ewan have taken her, she wondered? There was so much for him to do as laird that she doubted he would have had the time. She smiled as she recalled the first time she had seen him from the tower window. Even then she had recognized him for the warrior he was. Proud and commanding. Just one look at him and she knew he would do anything for his clan.

  Though she knew her father loved her, she longed to have someone who would do anything and everything for her love. At one time she had been sure she would eventually find that man, but after a while she realized it had only been a dream.

  Until Ewan.
/>
  He was the kind of man that would die for the woman who held his heart. It was too bad she wasn’t that woman.

  9

  Ewan pulled his mount to a stop as he crested the hill and looked over his lands and his castle darkened by the night. The MacDonalds had held the land for hundreds of years, and God willing, they would hold it for several hundred more.

  He had always been proud of who he was and what he stood for. Not once had he thought he was lacking. Now, he wasn’t so sure. Sacrifice was something he was ready to do for his clan, but he had never thought he would sacrifice for himself.

  Ewan lifted his face to the sky, the bitter cold slicing over his skin and whipping his hair around him. His mount’s sides heaved from their long trip, and though the animal was anxious to get inside the stable, Ewan wasn’t ready to see Kate quite yet.

  It had taken him longer than he wanted, but he had secured the annulment. After calling in several favors and making promises, he would be able to give Kate what she desired most.

  His gaze shifted to his chamber. No candlelight could be seen, and he wondered if Kate waited for him. Had she figured out where he had gone? Was she angry that he had left without waking her? Had she worried about him in the battle?

  Ewan ran a hand through his hair and cursed himself for being ten kinds of fool. Every instinct in his body told him not to let her go. But his heart told him he had no other choice.

  When he had made his decision to give her the freedom she so craved, he had acted on it immediately, else he would have changed his mind. Letting Kate go would be one of the hardest things he had ever done. Or ever would do. Yet it was something he knew he had to do.

  Selfish he may be at times, but Kate made him realize it was more than his feelings and wants that mattered when it came to a marriage. He had been tricked, and she had been forced into her third marriage. Freedom seemed only fair for the both of them.

  He nudged the horse into a walk. He was weary down to his bones and just wanted the comfort of his own bed and a hot meal. And Kate. By the saints, how he wanted Kate in his arms, to kiss her, to caress her. Her body was made for his touch.

  He greeted his men as he approached the gates to the castle. After he reached the castle steps and dismounted, he tossed the reins to a stable lad.

  “Give him extra oats,” he told the boy before taking the steps two at a time.

  He let out a sigh as he entered the castle and stepped into the great hall. Each time he left, he couldn’t wait to return. Because of his position, he was often called away to aid with other clans or even King James. There was a price to pay for the kind of power he held.

  The hall was filled with sleeping men and a few couples whose moans of desire drifted through the castle. He made his way to the stairs and climbed them. Kate was going to be deliriously happy. At least he could give her that.

  His steps slowed as he neared his chamber. He hesitated a moment before he opened the door. The only light inside came from the fire that was dying down. He smiled when he spotted her curled on the rug. He opened his sporran and took out the document to lay on the table by the bed.

  For long moments he stared at the simple piece of paper. Then he took out the ring and set it beside the parchment before he turned and moved to the hearth. He added more logs to the fire before he sat and looked at his wife.

  She wasn’t his wife anymore, he reminded himself. He still recalled how angry he had been at finding her instead of her sister. Now, he realized, it had been fate that had sent Kate to him. Fate had known what he needed more than he had.

  From the time he walked out of the chamber yesterday until now, all he had thought about was Kate and making love to her. Despite his exhaustion he wasn’t going to pass up an opportunity to claim her.

  Especially when it might be the last time.

  Kate was on her side with an arm tucked beneath her head and her glorious dark blond locks spread out behind her. The red orange flames of the fire bathed her skin in their glow. She was so damned beautiful it made his heart hurt.

  Ewan rose and removed his clothes before he lifted Kate in his arms and carried her to the bed. She stirred against him, her hand resting against his chest. His heart squeezed painfully. He prayed he had done the right thing and that she would be happy.

  He laid her on the bed and pulled off her shoes before he lifted her skirts and rolled down her wool stockings. He was covering her feet with his hands to help warm them when he heard his name.

  “You’ve returned,” she said.

  He smiled and looked into her sleepy eyes. “I have. ’Tis awful weather we have. You didn’t stay warm as I warned you.”

  “’Tis difficult when there’s no warmth to be found. I contemplated jumping into the fire I was so cold.”

  “I’m here now.”

  “Aye, you are.” She sat up and removed her gown.

  A slow smile spread over his face as his gaze moved up and down her marvelous body. He watched as her nipples hardened in the cool air and felt his already rigid cock jump in reaction. Chills raced along her skin, but he would heat her up soon enough.

  Ewan moved onto the bed at her feet and slowly shifted her legs open until he could kneel between them. He gave her a wink and parted her woman’s lips to feast upon the beauty of her sex. With his tongue, he softly licked her from the bottom to the top of her sex, stopping to tease her pearl for a moment.

  “Saints, Ewan. You torment me so.”

  “Nay, love. I pleasure you.”

  Her breathing quickened with each flick of his tongue. Ewan smiled inwardly and resumed his tonguing of Kate. When he moved a finger to her entrance, he was amazed to find her already wet and ready for him.

  “Ewan.”

  His head jerked up to find her watching him. “Relax, Kate.”

  She nodded. “Don’t stop. Please, don’t stop.”

  He was all too happy to return to pleasuring her. With his fingers holding her sex open, his tongue licked and sucked her pearl while he stroked deep inside her with the fingers of his other hand.

  Her soft moans filled the chamber while her body writhed in need. His own desire was nearly too much to bear, and his hunger to plunge inside her soon overwhelmed him.

  He leaned up and wrapped his lips around a pert nipple while his fingers continued to fondle her. He gently scraped his teeth over her nipple. She let out a soft cry and wrapped her arms around his neck to anchor him to her.

  “I need you inside of me,” she whispered into his ear. “Please, Ewan. I need to feel you.”

  He wasn’t about to deny her, not when it was something he craved as well. He shifted and leaned over her, using his hands to brace himself on either side of her head while the tip of his cock rubbed against her. She closed her eyes and moaned before she reached between them and took his rod in her hand, slowly stroking up and down his length.

  Ewan swallowed and fought for control. “I’ll spill if you doona stop.”

  “I can’t stop,” she said. “I love the feel of you in my hand.”

  He nearly died right then at her words. But he was so close to peaking that he could no longer stand to have her hands on him. He entered her with one thrust, burying himself to the root.

  Kate cried out and sank her nails into his back as he filled her. She felt herself stretching and sighed at the wonderful sensations. At first she thought she had been dreaming, but when she had woken to find Ewan nude and wanting her, she had never known such joy. Maybe she had been wrong about the annulment. Maybe there was a future for them after all.

  Her sex throbbed with need from his tongue and fingers. She had thought to give the same pleasure he had given her, but he hadn’t let her fondle him for long. The hunger to feel him inside her, pumping long and hard, consumed her. And finally, he was.

  Kate wrapped her legs around his waist and heard him moan as he leaned down to kiss her neck, lightly biting her skin before running his tongue over the nibbled area.

  She
shivered, eager to drown in the climax that had been steadily building since his first touch. Now, her blood sang with the heat and desire he had filled inside her.

  He pulled out until just the tip of him filled her before he thrust deep. He repeated the action several more times, and each time brought Kate closer to her climax, coiling the desire tighter and tighter.

  “Ewan, I cannot take it,” she cried.

  Only then did he begin to thrust hard and fast. With her ankles locked at his back and her arms around his neck, he plunged within her until sweat glistened on their bodies.

  The more he rode her, the more she wanted to put off her orgasm, to enjoy the sweet pleasure. Yet, all too soon, her body exploded. Her eyes rolled back in her head as she succumbed to the desire.

  Pleasure sucked her under, washing over her body in a tide of bliss. Slowly she came back to herself, her body still trembling from her climax.

  She opened her eyes to find Ewan still moving over her, his eyes closed and his jaw clenched, as if he, too, were holding off as long as he could.

  Kate ran her hands over his back, loving the feel of his muscles moving beneath her hands. She cupped his bottom as his hips shifted. He gave a grunt before he pumped twice and stilled over her, her name whispered from his lips.

  Tears pricked her eyes. He fell forward, his head buried in her neck. Kate held him close, unprepared and unsure of what was ahead for them. A few days ago she had been confident she wanted her freedom at all costs, but now she was willing to give it all up.

  She had laughed when Ewan claimed his touch would change her mind, but she realized almost too late how right he had been. His soft caresses and fiery kisses had awoken the true woman inside of her, a woman that liked to make love and needed a man’s touch.

  Ewan had left his mark on her, unintended though it might have been. Until the day she died, she knew she would never forget the wonderful way he touched her body and brought her fulfillment.

  All too soon he raised his head and looked into her eyes. The blue depths gave a hint of his sadness before he hid all emotion from her. Was he about to tell her it was over? Was it then when he would hand her the annulment and send her on her way?